Don't be a liar

So this is random thought on a really saturday night but I dont really think it is about love-hate or roman picisan or love story. I have no idea how to start it. When i feel lonely at my bed room, i always thought that smt like my future and all of i do recently. I feel i am a liar when i talk to my friends bout the future like the same thing like they thought. Like carreer,  marriage, parenting, childern. And when i on my condition right now when this shit article is writing, my mouth is so want to muntah. Regret all of my dumb and numb. My brain then speaks loud like 'what the heck are you doing? are you nuts?'. Marriage? Childern? Just get your life! You don't really know what are you talking about. You don't even know how the annoying kids really are. You have to give a life for them; make sure the nutrition is enough for their brain get the best score on the class and feel confuse everytime when they are get sick and pain. What if you just being a bad mother for them? You just a bad mother. You are not good enough for them. You're just a fuckin' dumbass mom in this world! You can't be a mother because you can't give your life a life. Tell me how you can give other man a life? A home? Just don't to be extra. It is not a game. Definitely, you won't a same mistake happened again and it looks like evil circle who never stop. There are not happiness on marriage. Just believe me.